Don’t Freak Out, It’s Most Likely Nothing

It happens everyday. Millions of people get the same news. But even knowing that, I never thought I would personally hear it.

Let me tell you, in my experience it was like a slow depth charge. You hear the words and then dismiss them, as I don’t know – impossible?

I said to myself, “It’s just not going to be a problem.” The doctor said “don’t freak out, it’s most likely nothing.” And in reality, I agree, I really don’t think it will be anything. But when the sentence is “I just found a lump in your breast” what do you do with that? For me it sank in slowly, it floated down gradually, and then more then an hour later it exploded into realization.

You see, I even called my husband to tell him about the other test results I got that day. And, I failed to mention the lump. It wasn’t till later in person that I said the words out loud to him. He drew me into his wonderful strong arms and held me. He assured me that no mater what I would be okay. He wondered aloud that I didn’t tell him right away. And honestly, so did I. And then I broke down.

The strange thing is, it’s a roller coaster ride of conscious and unconscious reaction. I am fine and then I’m not. I am dry eyed and living my incredible wonderful life, and then I am panicky and deeply scared. Right now I am fine and expect to be fine.

I came home from the Bay Area full of fire. I worked on a song along the way. I was excited to get back to work and really dig into my action plans. I have to say the first few days after the doctors appointment I just stayed put, I idled and felt suspended in molasses . Then I got busy. Yesterday I rearranged my entire living room – instant gratification for a designer! I’ve  mowed the lawn, cleaned the gutters, and then worked on promoting my music – check out Jango. Let them know you like my song. It’s a new kind of radio station and you can review the song, or become a fan – Every bit helps artists like me!

This Tuesday I will get a mammogram and sonogram and they will say the same thing I feel, that it’s not cancer, and that it will all be okay. And I promise that when I hear back I will inform you all. In the meantime, I’d appreciate your good thoughts and prayers, not just for me, but for all of us who hear scary things from our doctors.

Thanks for listening,

Annie xox

~ by anniemacmusic on July 25, 2009.